You've got to Move It, Move It....you've got to MOVE IT!!! or Get your Butt Off It and your Back Into it.....

Nothing new and tasty this week....we did make the Oreo cake recipe into cupcakes and it turned out well. Making biscuits again this morning but used butter milk instead of almond milk so we're looking to see how it turns out...I'd imagine well...

Had an interesting conversation last night with one of the guys from my small group. We talked exercise! Now I know yer thinking....exercise? Ick. No me gusta! And you know what true believers? I don't blame you an iota. I loathe working out about as much as I dislike school work or washing dishes and believe that is something I most certainly do not want to do. However, if you wanna get skinny or at least drop an lb. or two you're going to have to sweat some or get off your butt and move around a bit.

Ideally you'd join a gym and get a trainer or a boot camp (for those of you who like to get up early and get yelled at by someone who is in a shape you'd kill to get into). Many of you, like myself, aren't dripping with the kind of disposable income it takes to give that kind of stuff the time it requires to make the magic happen. You could join a gym and go it alone. Problem with that? Which gym to join. Depending on where you live the choices could be significant and run the gamut from dirt cheap (around $10/month which could still be too much depending on your financial planning skills or lack thereof) or outrageously expensive ($150+/month). On the higher end the amenities are nice...massages, water slides, heated towels, and so on but since you're there to sweat and not ride the log flume? Find one that has the equipment you want, hours of operation that work for you, and works with your budget.

You broke bro? No worries. If you're reading this odds are there's a park "near" where you live, a road with a sidewalk, a middle/high school with a track, or some other public amenity that you could use on the cheap ("free"). Now a quick side note if you're going to use the track at a school? PLEASE contact the school to let them know you'll be there. Don't go during school hours unless you want to wind up on Action News Alive at 5, 6, and 11 with Chip McIntosh and Louisa Gutierrez-Chang.

Back on topic....

Point here is there are plenty of ways to exercise for all budgets or no budget. I was blessed to have access to a gym at my place of work for 3 years. Best gym I ever had a "membership" with as I got paid to work out there. There were at least two treadmills, two ellipticals, a stair master, and 10 weight machines (five upper body, three leg, two core). In my experience its best to alternate days to give your muscles time to rest. For me odd days were legs/core and evens were upper body. I eventually switched to weekends (when I felt like doing it) and Wednesdays to be cardio only and Monday/Thursday legs, Tuesday/Friday arms. Why? For best results (supposedly) you want to give your muscles three days to rest before abusing them again. You can easily find exercises to do by searching online.

Now.....are you an Olympic athlete? Have you been crossfitting for years? Do you routinely exercise for 30 - 45 minutes a day? No? Then don't walk into a gym and try to blow it out on the first day. The only thing you'll blow out is a joint or a set of muscles and you could cripple yourself. Also if you go to the gym here are some rules:

• Workout - You got a membership to exercise, not meet people. That good looking guy or girl isn't there to get hit on by you. This isn't to say don't do it. If you think you have the shot Ghostrider? Take the shot. When you miss? Move on and get back to the sweat.
• Dress Appropriately - You want clothing that fits well. Tight enough to where it won't get in the way of movement but not so tight that we know what you had for lunch. Put your sex organs away people. You don't need to look sexy when you exercise. When you get done? You should look like you've been working outside during the summer.
• Sweat - I don't care if you don't like to sweat. You're not going to get results unless your body expels some of that moisture you've been building up all day.
• No Talking in the Dojo - If you are able to hold a conversation while you're exercising? You're not working hard enough.
• No Parking on the Dance Floor - You need to keep moving. You don't stop moving for more than 30 - 60 seconds. And only when you're moving from machine to machine or exercise to exercise.
• You are not Alone....We are here with you - Unless you're there first thing in the morning or at the end of the operation day? You're probably not alone. All that grunting and animal noise you're making is probably unnecessary. Some degree of heavy breathing is expected but seriously? Knock it off.

And for you folks who don't have gym money or access? I didn't forget you! I've attached a picture of something you can do from the comfort of your home. I promise if you stick it out the 30 days? You'll love your results. I did it in December in two different countries. If I can manage? So can you. Don't get discouraged....just keep trying!

Ours is not to reason why...ours is not to eat it fried.

I thought I'd try my hand at making biscuits. First attempt was tasty but wasn't what I was looking for in terms is aesthetics. Thanks to a great tip from a friend (freeze your butter/shortening first then take it to a cheese grater) I got the consistency in my dough as well as the look. And they were pretty tasty too so now I'm gonna try doing a bake over beef stew. Let y'all know how that turns out.

So I had a topic picked out this week but the lovey Mrs. made a suggestion on this week's topic and since she's right about stuff way more than I'd willingly admit? I'll take her up on it. So the question came up as to why I work out or what was different about this time than the other times I tried and failed.

History lesson/personal introspection first. As I've stated before I am emotional eater. Also an emotional exerciser and which hole I fall into varies dependent on a variety of factors. Eating is easier than sweating so...there's that. So it is a slippery slope (probably coated in something yummy). I started getting chunky around 1988. My parents got divorced and my grandmother (maternal) passed. These things happened within 6 months of each other. We ate out alot. A LOT. Fast food didn't have the "healthy" options it does now and between kids meals, super size combos, Pizza, etc. I was on the gravy bullet train riding the "Husky" Line on biscuit wheels. So in this time of fantastic stress where I did find comfort? In the loving, "so thick the spoon won't fall out when you turn it upside down embrace of my first true love, the beautiful Dairy Queen. At least once a week if not more often. Kid you not...I remember I talked my mother into stopping a Checkers to get a milkshake at 8:30 at night cause I happened to bat in the game tying run. This kind of stuff happened often.

The emo scarfing continued during this time to the point I clocked in at over 300 lbs at 14 years old and at 23/24 I was around 375 - 400. Into my 20' I'd date some, not date some, and so on. Every time I asked a woman out and she said no I'd immediately think it was because I was fat and when she said yes I'd think she was going to leave me or not like me because I was fat. If you're beating yourself up if the situation goes your way or if it doesn't for the same reason? There's a problem. I tried twice to lose weight. When I was 23 I joined a gym and half assed it there for about a month. There were some results but I didn't do any measurements so I only knew my clothes were starting to fit better. I got sick, fell off the wagon, and didn't get back on until I was 26. At 26 I tried weight loss shakes and same deal as before....my clothes fit better, no measurements. Missed food after a while and fell off the wagon again. I had the opportunity to travel a bit during this time and spent a couple of weeks a year on a plane. There's nothing like the look of terror in someone's eyes when a big dude comes on the plane and there's an empty seat next to them or squeezing into a coach seat and immediately asking for an extension. Fun doesn't even begin to describe it.

One more time skip to late 2011 I was 31, recently found my faith, and was in a relationship. I got a physical on October 14, 2011 and clocked in at 440. I was beside myself. I turned to food as my comfort. Probably gained another 10 lbs. Some time around December I decide to start exercising every day. I picked Christmas Day as the kick off since it was a Sunday. Within the next couple of days I had a conversation with my then girlfriend where I was asked "has anyone ever broken up with you because of how you look?" I took that about as well as you'd think. It was the final nail in my chubby coffin and because we separated the following week I had now had the time to devote to exercise. During this time I finally acknowledged I needed help and sought the services of a mental electrician. Lemme tell ya gang therapy works. Saw my therapist for around 6 months and it was a transformative time. 

By the end of 2012 I'd dropped around 125 lbs. November 1st, 2013 I hit my goal weight of 250. I chose this as a goal as this had been the wight on my license since I was 16. Took me almost two years to get from 440 to 250 but I was no longer living a lie. On October 18, 2014...3 years and 4 days after that oh so fateful physical I got down to 236.6 lbs or according to BMI finally moving from being super morbidly obese to being overweight. 

Now that I've shared my life history I'll answer finally answer "why". It is three fold. Most important? My health. I don't have the knee and back problems that I once did. My blood pressure has dropped significantly. I take the stairs at work. People want to do things outside and I'm all gung ho. Second? Vanity. Yes....I love the way I look. Not to the point I spend all day looking into reflective surfaces but I have definition I never had. I can see my collar bone. I have a neck. Like an actual space between the bottom of my head and the top of my shoulders. Insane. Third...you ever buy plus size clothing? I spend half as much and get twice as many clothes.

You CAN have your cake AND eat it too!!!

I have a sweet tooth and it is a gigantic monkey on my back. Imagine King Kong, Gorilla Grodd, Mighty Joe Young, and Gorilla Monsoon combined and you'd come close to how big this thing is. Sometimes that hankering is specific and sometimes it isn't. This time I wanted an Oreo® cake and as is my habit lately I decided to make it myself. Short version here is that the cake was fantastic. I didn't do the math on the calories like I typically do but to give you an idea of how ridiculous this cake is? Every sandwich cookie (context) is around 50 calories. In a one pound bag there are around 36 cookies. In this cake I used 30 cookies (1500 calories before the rest of the ingredients). And again....it's a super tasty cake (well it is if you like cookies and cake).

I bring this up to address some things I hear often such as.....

• "I thought you were on a diet", 
• My grandmother was often fond of saying "That's what you get for thinking"...
• I am on a diet. So are you. So is everyone. A popular misconception about "diet" is you go on a diet. Everything you shove into your mouth is part of your diet. Water, toothpaste, food, and so on.
• "Why are you eating that?" or "You can't eat that!"
• A. Because it's delicious
• B. Sure I can. Watch....om nom nom nom....so yummy....om nom nom
• "Do you know how much sugar/fat/salt is in that?"
• Yup. I tend to do a fair amount of research on what I eat. By the time I've gone to a restaurant I've parsed the menu at least 20 times and typically don't make up my mind until I actually tell my server what I wanted to eat. Sometimes its a healthier choice sometimes it isn't. We should be eating at home more anyway since the food there is already paid for.

Sooooooo many people I know "live to eat" when you should "eat to live". Nothing wrong with throwing down on a plate of ribs or some kind of spectacular dessert (like above) so long as it is the exception and not the rule.

Pay attention to your eating. This is a significant statement. When we eat we typically are doing something in addition to eating. How many times have you been talking to someone or watching TV or playing games and before you knew it what you were snacking on was gone? It was a family size bag of chips and you were only going to eat a handful or maybe a lil bit more and five minutes go by and the Fried Snack Food Goblin has come in and hidden the salty goodness in the last place you'd think to look for it....your waistline. If you must eat snack food? Portion it out in advance. Pour yourself a small bowl or cup of the chips and put the bag away. Make sure you seal it because no one likes stale chips.

What you eat is just as important. Empty calories aren't bad they just aren't as productive to your health as say the vegetables you've been avoiding cause you "don't like them". Eat them anyway. Adding some dark leafy greens to your plate will not kill you. Promise. If I'm wrong? Have your family contact me upon your demise and I will throw myself on your coffin. A nice salad made of field greens with a lite vinaigrette is fairly tasty and low in calories. Use ground turkey instead of beef. If you must use beef (cause sometimes you just gotta) use a leaner cut.

Try this: For a week track everything you put into your mouth. To the best of your ability measure your amounts and you can use one of the numerous food calculators on line for everything that doesn't have nutritional info on its packaging to get approximate values. You might be surprised how much room there is to remove some grease and/or sugar and stuff in some veggies. You'll thank me later.

And if its any consolation? Were it up to me? Bacon and chocolate chip cookies would have all the nutrients that the human body would need. They'd be 25 calories per and you'd have the body you wanted after eating two. Sadly I was out of the office the day that decision was in committee.

Weight Loss Secrets Revealed!!!

My darling wife has suggested I write a book. I don't think my life is that interesting (at least not before she walked into it) so I'll spare you those details. However, I do feel compelled to share my slimming secrets with the world....

1. You can be bikini fine by summer time!
• However, you do need to adjust to the concept it may not be the summer of the same year you decide to make this happen. At the time of this writing it is currently March....unless you've got about 20 - 30 lbs to lose? You're going to want to adjust out your time line by another 12+ months. Leading to....
2. Weight loss will take time.
• Fun fact: Weight is totally easy to put on. Ridiculously easy. Easier than pouring water out of a boot with directions on the heel. Super, duper, hard to take off. Only thing harder is getting your mind around that concept. Rome wasn't built in a day. God took six to make all of creation. You are not going to drop the weight (in my case 210 and counting) in one month or four. 
3. You may not enjoy what you have to do to achieve your goal.
• Exercise is like a second job in that it takes up a lot of time that you could be doing something else you'd rather be. It is also very hard. You will have to adjust your life around it.
4. You need to move.
• "Exercise doesn't work for me." Bullshit. You need to move more. Period. I started by spending two minutes on my exercise bike. Three years later i'm on an elliptical for 70+ minutes and doing weight training for 20+ minutes. If you don't have access to exercise equipment? Walk. Do jumping jacks. Just so long as you're moving. Just sitting is likely how you got into this position and doing the same thing and expecting different results is the definition of insanity.
5. The scale is not your friend.
• Your scale will lie to you. Understand me here....the number presented IS an accurate representation of your weight. It is not, however, the measurement tool on how you feel about how you look. Nor, does it (depending on the scale) give a representation of your body composition. As you attempt to lose weight you will go up and down on the scale. Every ounce dropped is a success, every one (re)gained isn't a failure. It should be a motivation to keep you moving. Long as you keep trying? You haven't failed.
6. Persistence pays!
• It may take some time before YOU see results. You look at yourself every day. Yes, you are a sexy beast. People of your preferred gender should be throwing themselves at you on a daily basis begging you to sire/carry their children (who would be almost as attractive). You also lack objectivity. Other people, however, are more likely to see your change before you do. If you don't see results right away or in the first month? Don't fret! You need to stick it out. You'll probably notice your clothes fitting better long before you see your physicality changing.
7. Food is a gateway drug.
• There is no bad food. There is no bad food. There is no bad food. There is food that has low nutritional value but tastes great. And there are foods that are super high in nutritional value which don't taste all that good. A combination of the two which includes more of the latter than the former is your best bet.
8. Eat less.
• You're going to want a burger, a taco, pizza, ice cream, etc. Enjoy them. If you don't treat yourself periodically you're going to binge and undo all your hard work. The hook with this is you should eat these things less frequently and in smaller volume when you decide to indulge. Instead of a double burger? Get a single. Knock that 20 piece down to a 10. Small soda and fries instead of a large. 
9. If you look....
• ......as cute coming out of the gym as you did going in? You're doing it wrong. I've heard people say "i don't like to sweat" which to me says "I don't really want to get in shape". You need to decide what you want to do. If you're serious? You'll get past your dislike of sweating.
10. Change is coming.
• You are going to have to make several changes in your life. You will make them all over a large period of time. You are not expected to make them all at once. For you to successfully incorporate them into your life? You'll want to make sure you space them out. What worked for me is to pick one thing. Do it for 30 days then add the next thing and so on. Every day is a new journey and the only easy day was yesterday.
11. Are you moving yet? Move faster.
• Once you get moving? Keep moving. Then move faster or harder. Then do it again. Don't stop until you're tired. You tired yet? Good hustle.
12. The plateau hates you.
• There is something referred to as the plateau. You will meet it several times on your journey. It is the point at which despite all the blood, sweat, and tears devoted to this you're not going to lose weight. Keep going. You'll eventually take it off. Or you need to step up your game because you are not challenging your body. Either way? Keep up the good work.
13. Are you content?
• You aren't supposed to be happy all the time so get that foolishness out of your head right now. Contentment is what you're shooting for. You want to like the way you look. It may take time until you get to that point. There are little things you'll notice that will make you happy to see. You won't be content until your body looks overall the way you want it to.