Weight Loss Secrets Revealed!!!

My darling wife has suggested I write a book. I don't think my life is that interesting (at least not before she walked into it) so I'll spare you those details. However, I do feel compelled to share my slimming secrets with the world....

1. You can be bikini fine by summer time!
• However, you do need to adjust to the concept it may not be the summer of the same year you decide to make this happen. At the time of this writing it is currently March....unless you've got about 20 - 30 lbs to lose? You're going to want to adjust out your time line by another 12+ months. Leading to....
2. Weight loss will take time.
• Fun fact: Weight is totally easy to put on. Ridiculously easy. Easier than pouring water out of a boot with directions on the heel. Super, duper, hard to take off. Only thing harder is getting your mind around that concept. Rome wasn't built in a day. God took six to make all of creation. You are not going to drop the weight (in my case 210 and counting) in one month or four. 
3. You may not enjoy what you have to do to achieve your goal.
• Exercise is like a second job in that it takes up a lot of time that you could be doing something else you'd rather be. It is also very hard. You will have to adjust your life around it.
4. You need to move.
• "Exercise doesn't work for me." Bullshit. You need to move more. Period. I started by spending two minutes on my exercise bike. Three years later i'm on an elliptical for 70+ minutes and doing weight training for 20+ minutes. If you don't have access to exercise equipment? Walk. Do jumping jacks. Just so long as you're moving. Just sitting is likely how you got into this position and doing the same thing and expecting different results is the definition of insanity.
5. The scale is not your friend.
• Your scale will lie to you. Understand me here....the number presented IS an accurate representation of your weight. It is not, however, the measurement tool on how you feel about how you look. Nor, does it (depending on the scale) give a representation of your body composition. As you attempt to lose weight you will go up and down on the scale. Every ounce dropped is a success, every one (re)gained isn't a failure. It should be a motivation to keep you moving. Long as you keep trying? You haven't failed.
6. Persistence pays!
• It may take some time before YOU see results. You look at yourself every day. Yes, you are a sexy beast. People of your preferred gender should be throwing themselves at you on a daily basis begging you to sire/carry their children (who would be almost as attractive). You also lack objectivity. Other people, however, are more likely to see your change before you do. If you don't see results right away or in the first month? Don't fret! You need to stick it out. You'll probably notice your clothes fitting better long before you see your physicality changing.
7. Food is a gateway drug.
• There is no bad food. There is no bad food. There is no bad food. There is food that has low nutritional value but tastes great. And there are foods that are super high in nutritional value which don't taste all that good. A combination of the two which includes more of the latter than the former is your best bet.
8. Eat less.
• You're going to want a burger, a taco, pizza, ice cream, etc. Enjoy them. If you don't treat yourself periodically you're going to binge and undo all your hard work. The hook with this is you should eat these things less frequently and in smaller volume when you decide to indulge. Instead of a double burger? Get a single. Knock that 20 piece down to a 10. Small soda and fries instead of a large. 
9. If you look....
• ......as cute coming out of the gym as you did going in? You're doing it wrong. I've heard people say "i don't like to sweat" which to me says "I don't really want to get in shape". You need to decide what you want to do. If you're serious? You'll get past your dislike of sweating.
10. Change is coming.
• You are going to have to make several changes in your life. You will make them all over a large period of time. You are not expected to make them all at once. For you to successfully incorporate them into your life? You'll want to make sure you space them out. What worked for me is to pick one thing. Do it for 30 days then add the next thing and so on. Every day is a new journey and the only easy day was yesterday.
11. Are you moving yet? Move faster.
• Once you get moving? Keep moving. Then move faster or harder. Then do it again. Don't stop until you're tired. You tired yet? Good hustle.
12. The plateau hates you.
• There is something referred to as the plateau. You will meet it several times on your journey. It is the point at which despite all the blood, sweat, and tears devoted to this you're not going to lose weight. Keep going. You'll eventually take it off. Or you need to step up your game because you are not challenging your body. Either way? Keep up the good work.
13. Are you content?
• You aren't supposed to be happy all the time so get that foolishness out of your head right now. Contentment is what you're shooting for. You want to like the way you look. It may take time until you get to that point. There are little things you'll notice that will make you happy to see. You won't be content until your body looks overall the way you want it to.